Figuring out what Mom wants of me (?)

Mom… wants to see the best of me. But she doesn’t have a firm grip on what the ‘best of me’ consists of. She has a rough idea in that I should be ‘God’s Child’ and be obedient to ‘His Law’, but she also wants me to be at the same time ‘have fun’ and be ‘whatever I want to be’.

There is a tension there…

In essence Mom doesn’t quite know what she wants to do with me but so long as what I do and what I choose ‘jives’ with what God Wants, she’s okay with it. She has this idea that I should be married by now and have kids and live in the suburbs and make middle-class income and the whole shebang but she doesn’t have that. She ‘kinda’, ‘sorta’ can’t accept that because (somehow, perhaps?) it doesn’t ‘jive’ with what (she thinks) God wants. But here I am. And this is who I am. Maybe she can’t accept who I am as a whole person, but she ‘Must’ accept what ‘God wants’ ‘me’ to ‘be’ right here, right now. She is (or may perhaps be) impatient to see me become ‘A Person’ in accordance to ‘God’s image’. But somehow, she is ‘tired’ of ‘waiting’ for ‘God’s plan’ to become ‘true’ ‘in’ ‘me’.

On the one hand this can be a source of frustration, but on the other it is great that I’m beginning to sort all this confusion out in my head.

Can she accept that I’m a writer? That I’m a storyteller? Can she Trust that God will help me make a living, even if what I do doesn’t ‘seem’ to ‘make’ a ‘lot’ of ‘money’?

These questions are moot. I am a writer. If she doesn’t like it, she can take it up with God.

…And if God doesn’t want me to be a writer, I pray to God He would stop me before I would ruin myself.


Author: Ferdi Zebua

For more info visit my blog, my Google+, or my Ello.

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