I think what I tend to do to friends & loved ones,

I think what I tend to do to friends & loved ones, is that
at first I get them, I… coax them into confiding in me,
into depending on me
(by charm or impresario or some other accident of fate)

…and then I eventually force them
(by disappointment, mishap, or just plain fuck-up)
into depending on themselves.

Sometimes this happens smoothly and they
still have at least a modicum of respect left for me
and can still think of me as a human being

but sometimes it just blows up
and we don’t talk to each other anymore.

And when we don’t talk to each other anymore it’s
kind of sad but, the stupidest thing is if I get
hung up on it because when I
hold on to it, it poisons me. From the inside.
By my own doing.

This… this separation.

Is not something to figure out.

The bridge is burned.

Trying to walk on this burned bridge would
do nothing but put more splinters on
my feet and hers so it’s not
something to figure out but it’s
something to accept.
To let go.

To let go.


Jakarta, 4:58am, August 22nd 2013

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Author: Ferdi Zebua

For more info visit my WordPress.com blog, my Google+, or my Ello.

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