trying to remember who I was…

Remember who you were before the world told you who you should be.

I remember I hated “weird” chocolates when I was a little kid. I would spit out dark chocolate or chocolate filled with orange filling because they were ‘not’ chocolate. To me chocolate was milk-chocolate and everything else was not.

I remember being easily hurt when I’m embarrassed in public.

I remember knowing that God loves everyone, even non-Christians and Atheists. I knew this from when I was still in kindergarten.

I remember hearing stories, when I was in Junior high from neighbors, that when I was a little kid I was very religious. When a neighborhood kid died (they said) I asked us neighborhood kids to hold a prayer together. And I think I lead the prayer.

I remember when Pope John Paul said Pancasila was a model of “religious” (interfaith/spiritual?) tolerance that The World could really learn from.

I remember liking math. Very much. When I was in the Philippines I got into an accelerated math class. I remember faltering with my math in middle school, around early seventh grade I think.

I remember an IQ test that said I got 187 when I was seven years old or something. I also remembered getting 137 when I was in sixth grade. I remember being praised as a genius by my parents but I don’t believe it anymore. Not at all.

I remember when it used to be so, so easy to be completely honest all the time. I remember when it matters more to admit that you can’t than to pretend that you can and fail. I remember when being honest means that you get to go further (in your career) than when you “fake it”.

I’m trying to remember who I was. I have a vague idea I guess. But I do know that there’s no going back in time.

And I can keep remembering that money and my own personal physical survival doesn’t mean anything in the “Grand Scheme of Things” in the long run.

I’ll keep trying to remember back. And it will help me walk forward.


Author: Ferdi Zebua

For more info visit my blog, my Google+, or my Ello.

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