Customer: Hello! Gordon’s pizza?
Pizza: No sir it’s Google’s pizza.
Customer: So it’s a wrong number?
Pizza: No sir, Google bought it.
Customer: OK. Take my order please…
Pizza: Well sir, you want the usual?
Customer: The usual? You know me?
Pizza: According to our caller ID, in the last 12 times, you ordered pizza with cheeses, sausage, thick crust
Customer: OK! This is it
Pizza: May I suggest to you this time ricotta, arugula with dry tomato?
Customer: No, I hate vegetables
Pizza: But your cholesterol is not good
Customer: How do you know?
Pizza: Through the subscribers guide. We have the result of your blood tests for the last 7 years
Customer: Okay, but I do not want this pizza, I already take medicine
Pizza: You have not taken the medicine regularly, 4 months ago, you only purchased a box with 30 tablets at Drugsale Network
Customer: I bought more from another drugstore
Pizza: It’s not showing on your credit card
Customer: I paid in cash
Pizza: But you did not withdraw that much cash according to your bank statement
Customer: I have other source of cash
Pizza: This is not showing as per you last Tax form unless you got it from undeclared income source
Customer: WHAT THE HELL? Enough! I’m sick of Google, Facebook, Twitter, WhatsApp. I’m going to an island without Internet, where there is no cell phone line and no one to spy on me
Pizza: I understand sir, but you need to renew your passport as it has expired 5 weeks ago…
Original author unknown. Web-search suggests originally authored some time in May 2017 at various Internet programming forums; perhaps originating in Reddit, but not for certain.
Personally I think it more likely to be from Slovakia, Czechia, Croatia, Lithuania, or somewhere else in Easter Europe.
cross-posted from my Tumblr blog: ferdifz.tumblr.com via IFTTT.
Originally posted on July 24, 2017 at 08:01PM. [Tumblr direct link]