I think I want to sleep all the time because everything I really want to do I’m not supposed…

I think I want to sleep all the time because everything I really want to do I’m not supposed to do, or there’s something else that I should be doing instead, and so I wind up feeling like I don’t want to do anything and so I sleep…

cross-posted from my Tumblr blog: ferdifz.tumblr.com via IFTTT.
Originally posted on April 28, 2017 at 01:11PM. [Tumblr direct link]

I enjoy drawing daily. I really do. (draft Ello post, unposted)

I enjoy drawing daily. I really do.
At some moments it feels like a burden but each day as I post it, like, it feels good to see that I’ve managed to draw something that I cannot be ashamed of, perhaps sometimes even be proud of. Even though my drawing time never really cuts into my working time, where most of my time is wasted by other procrastination times such as watching YouTube videos and reading articles that have nothing to do with the day-job blog posts that I’m supposed to be doing but these veerings & stumblings on the Internet take up way, way more time in aggregate than any drawing I do, my daily drawings take up almost none of my time. And yet…
Lately I tend to draw two drawings a day then I take a break. I’ve been wanting to draw several drawings in a day so that I can draw something complex over the course of several days; such as “a full musician”, an “evil train”, or a typewriter–darn a typewriter seems more complex for me to draw than it should I’d thought I’d be able to draw a typewriter real quick but it seems no…
I need to produce more blog posts and faster. They’re the ones making real money. The drawings… the drawings are just hobby and they take up no time. What’s really taking up my time is all these social media… but I do research on social media and the Web if I go offline I can’t write because I can’t access data and…
I don’t know.
Sorry this is just a stream of consciousness I ought to edit this at least give it one top-to-bottom read before I publish or perhaps one complete rewrite just to be safe before I publish but….



Written as a blog draft/Ello post draft in Evernote at December 06, 2016 at 06:13PM Open in Evernote

Everything will pass…

Everything will pass. You will make friends elsewhere, and being a pariah in one place won’t hurt much after a while. You will get used to metal in your skin, and then you will stop putting it there, and then the scars will fade, and then so will the memories of them. You will slowly learn how to get out of bed on the days when you’re certain you can’t; you will learn how to ignore the pains in your body; you will learn how to smile the tears out of your eyes in science class. You will grow and have a rebirth of all the things your mind took from you. You will fall in love again. You will remember how to accept love and how to let someone hold you. You will kiss someone and it will feel real. You will look up at the sky and realize that you want to be alive again after years of wishing you wouldn’t wake up. You will open your eyes one morning and everything you gained will be gone; you will open your eyes the next day and realize how beautiful you are as you are brushing your teeth. You will feel true joy for the first time, and in that moment, you will be invincible. You will stand up a little straighter as the months wear away. Everything will pass. It will turn out fine.

[by @happiermedium at Ello.]

from my Tumblr blog: ferdifz.tumblr.com, posted on September 19, 2016 at 11:22AM. [direct link]

“kamu bahagia, Mama jg bahagia”…(?)

Ada seorg teman yg memutuskan sekolah perawat stlh lulus dokter dan bekerja bbrp tahun sbg dokter di sebuah LSM internasional.

Bnyk org mempertanyakan keputusannya.Dia blg,“Mamaku blg ‘yg penting km bahagia.Km bahagia,mama jg bahagia’,maka bodo amat apa kt org lain.”


Nah kalo mamaku, dia nggak bahagia. Paling nggak aku merasa mamaku kecewa sama aku. Umur udah mendekati empat puluh, belum menikah, pekerjaan masih belum mapan.

Jadi gimana caranya semangat?

Mbuh. (Lanjut hidup seadanya.)

from my Tumblr blog: ferdifz.tumblr.com, posted on September 04, 2016 at 07:10AM. [direct link]